tests, trials and tribulations

tests: MSA madness is in it's final - in all senses of the word - throes.

trials: mainly in two areas: my aging parents and my increasingly paranoid/schizophrenic team leader. can't do much about either except listen and offer what support i can without being untrue to myself.

tribulations: a meeting with the semi-big boss friday that i didn't ask for and i can't back out of. another cross to bear i suppose.

callahan's was a good choice. a very good choice. maybe cicely next...?

veni, vedi...

we went, we played...

...i failed

the aftermath

spent most of the post performance in a daze...

woke up this morning and still could only come up with four major/minor issues with last night's performances...

it wasn't a I unless everyone else was so ineffective, it wasn't a III unless the judges were deaf and blind to what was going on around them.

so i am guessing the following: likely case: 2 2 3 1
best case scenario: 2211
worst case: 3321

it's over and it felt like a good night.

i hope

and in the end...

...in a little over twelve hours, another assessment experience will be in the books. and more importantly one that i wasn't expecting to have. the kids have worked their arses off. the director has tried to achieved a perfect satori of seriousness and levity. one glaring problem to resolve this morning and we are off to the races.

the string kids had an ok night. not what el jefe wanted but sumus you know? just sumus. personally i think he over prepared them, but what do i know i am just the band guy...

it was nice to see all of my friends that i don't get to see since the girls were born. it makes me yearn to start judging again even though i have two beautiful daughters that need their dadden around

creed: a personal statement of belief or ethos. this i believe...

i have the greatest job in the world and days like today remind me why.


AEA

the bucket list

a pretty innocuous concept to be sure. i've actually knocked quite a few things off my bucket list over the years. several biggies remain though - conducting first suite in e flat and alvamar overture, pulling off a double double < straight ones at county and state >, moving to the beach, conducting an honors band of some sort, judging at assessments. see a trend? yeah pretty much i am still a music teacher geek to my core.

to wit the following which makes no sense at all: i have never taken an orchestra group to assessment. time and circumstances may force that issue next year but the reality is I am a band guy. el jefe is a band guy masquerading as an orchestra guy and he's pretty damn good at it too. so i act as a sponge everytime i am around him, soaking up every technique he uses - good or bad - and storing them away in my memory cathedral until i get to use them.

tonight may be el jefe's last stand in the assessment zone for a while. i hope it's a good one for him, lord knows he has worked the kids to death preparing them. i not saying overkill, but...

main st. beckons. no musing today.

t-2

okay day yesterday although el jefe and i both concede that it is what it is at this point in time and it is out of our hands and entirely up to the kids.

today is the last working rehearsal and i am still trying to wrap my head around the approach to it. there are things that need addressing and i am sure i will do that - in some way, there is the schedule for the rest of the week to discuss and i am sure i will do that - in some way, there is protocol and decorum to discuss and i am sure i will do that - in some way.

what it boils down to is i know what needs to be accomplished today, i am just not sure entirely how to go about getting it done. and i am running out of time to figure that out. the playlist was vetted yesterday and some things are disappearing this morning. still feels like it's missing something though...

musing: was my best good enough this time?

t-3 days and counting

and all is calm, although i can feel the anxiety and other scheiss building.

today holds not much: usual monday schedule, putting columbine in finale, emptying and restuffing the sight-reading folders, starting ragtime with the 8th grade, bus lists would be nice, starting to assemble the assessment binder and hopefully buying my wife's first birthday present.

the girls didn't nap yesterday, first time in a while that happened. not sure why but they were holy terrors all day long and i did my best not to lose my mind or patience. we will see how the week unfolds with regards to being a good dadden and husband.

i need to buy a large sponge asap so my boards can be properly washed. sorry for the randomness - it's just how my brain is working heading into Thursday. weather is looking good. still directionless with regard to tuesday's rehearsal.

i have a rough draft of a playlist on itunes, going to vet it today and see what stays/goes/needs to be replaced. am aiming for lean and meaningful, might have to settle for meaningful and healthy.

oh, and by the way - a full night's sleep in the bed. wtf on that boyo...

musing: what happens when the journey is over?

revelations and reverberations

so i had a revelation while among the stacks at menchey's yesterday: I have evolved from a passionate band geek to a mature band geek. translation: the whole time i was there, i was not interested in going through every single title on the shelves. it was more of a target shopping mission: i knew what I was looking for, i went in found what fulfilled my needs - took a passing glance at others and then got out of dodge.

the reverberations of the above" i guess yesterday was the final step in the process that began this past summer. i am confident enough in my abilities to get things done efficiently without second and third guessing every little step. < assessment notwithstanding >

in other news, columbine in scored, now i just have to input into finale and print it out. turned out far more interesting than i originally imagined. curious to see what it sounds like live.

took the girls to the playground for a little bit yesterday. emma was her normal daredevil self and claire spent most of the time in my arms. troubling to some degree but we will see.

this week will be a barnburner in every sense of the word. i hope i live to see the end of it.

what now

yeah, best-case/worst-case scenario has arisen and now the question becomes what is the focus for the final two - COUNT THEM - two rehearsals. Well the obvious answer is to address that which needs to be addressed - but you don't want to burn them out on the music. the smart answer is be honest, forthright and let them decide. it is about the journey right?

fighting the temptation to jump fully into the numbers game with every fiber of my being...

fantastic four

not a huge comic book fan. the comics i tended to like were the ones that almost killed the industry in the mid 50s...on with the show.

so number five was a bit, underwhelming shall we say. not sure why but it was probably a combination of things. hoping today is better.

steve - whose opinion I value highly - is in this morning, as is el jefe - who probably has a better handle on the kids than steve but whose opinion i take with a large salt lick. hoping for an administrator fly-by, we'll see.

don't know why this one seems so much more important than the others, i guess it's a chance to redeem myself for last year. i've had a good run at fms and I don't want another does not meet standards hanging over my head.

still no columbine - the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. the weekend holds the return of the traditional menchey's run for a sight-reading piece and the usual destressing about the performance next wednesday night. trying to find my family again would also be a plus.

the journey, the numbers, the self-assessment, what's it all about uggy?

one to go

week that is...

today is run through day , tomorrow is the visit from the music office and el jefe. how much is too much and is it really all about the journey and not the actual rating? pretty deep questions for a foggy Thursday morning.

not exactly feeling the following music quote about the situation but...

"...for you, my best was never good enough"

striving and enjoying and trying not to miss my life

sound the trumpets...